When I first dreamt up the idea of Warrior Soccer Training, I cared more about the character and integrity of how I wanted to train players. The process.
My whole life has been about learning technique and tactic. I’ve been fortunate to learn from some of the best – and I’ve always been confident that I can aid players in player development. I can teach the basics, help to establish a solid foundation, and assist players in getting to the next level – that to me is the easy stuff. That’s second nature.
And really, almost anyone with experience and expertise can do that.
The thing that separates trainers in my opinion is style and philosophy.
Much of my experience as a player was about winning.
Chasing the next accomplishment.
Getting to the next level.
And after college there came a time where I asked – at what cost?
My life mission and my mission with Warrior Soccer Training is to develop great soccer players in a way that serves them and the people around them on a human level. If I help to develop a World Cup Champion, but at the detriment of his or her soul, I’m not interested. That surprises some people. Especially, because I promise results. People bring their child to me for player development – increased skill with a soccer ball. That’s where my personal experience can be shared.
But is that all?
I get an hour or an hour and a half with your child once or twice a week.
What am I saying to him or her? How am I motivating them? What kind of inner dialogue am I teaching or reinforcing?
If I was a parent, I would care.
In my opinion, we should all care.
I was at a game a few weeks ago listening to an unnamed coach call his boys a name similar to “wussies,” but worse. They were 14.
The only assumption I can make, from knowing this person is that he felt that shaming them would drive them.
As they sat there with dejected shoulders, refusing to make eye contact I wonder if the thought crossed his mind that his tactics were nothing but harmful.
These are the coaches that make it about themselves. We all know them. The win is the most important – and it’s all about them.
I just heard another story from a former teacher, a coach and a friend who told me that a parent from the other team yelled “get the linebacker off the field” about a ten year old girl.
Now I know this little girl, and I love her. She’s so hardworking, so sweet, intense, fierce, competitive, kind, and an absolute original. I hope she knows this and believes it. I think she’s a rock star.
My question is……..WHY IS THIS ACCEPTABLE?
Please…Can someone tell me why this is acceptable? Ever?
You wanna know what’s best for those 14 year old boys?
You wanna know what’s best for those 10 year old girls?
To leave feeling empowered. Strong. Confident. Excited and enthusiastic about themselves and their sport. To experience team comradery and connectedness. To learn mental toughness, discipline, commitment, ownership, and a solid work ethic. To know what it feels like to have a positive outlet, to encourage others, to be competitive, but kind and to show respect to themselves and to others.
…All while getting better as an athlete and a soccer player.
I’m so sick of seeing us miss the mark. US Soccer has this mission to get it right technically and tactically, believing that we’ve missed the mark in being global competitors, particularly in the men’s game. And yes, I agree that grassroots soccer needs some changes, but I’m more disturbed by what’s happened on a human level at ALL levels of the game.
I see my job – and the job of coaches and trainers, is to create a safe space where development of self and player can bloom and players can engage in a healthy relationship with the sport we all love.
And here’s the big thing, guys. You ready? The training can still be quality.
I think some of us have made this very black and white – we misunderstand.
We think of the lighter, softer way – kids just get to play the whole practice, and at games everybody gets a trophy. You know the one’s who are “just doing it for fun.”
Now, if you’ve ever met me, you know this is not my style. Everybody gets a trophy? No. Part of learning how to be a person of character and integrity is learning how to lose. There is one trophy. If your feelings are hurt, you’ve learned an important lesson. Life will hurt your feelings – I promise. How you respond is the only thing that matters.
On the flip side, we think of the serious player. This player might need to train or be coached by some hardcore soccer nazi who will scream players into submission and employ any means necessary for results.
Good luck with that.
The money you spend on training will likely double in therapy bills later in life…just sayin’.
I cannot get this message across with any more fervor – you do not have to be an asshole to be a great athlete. You do not need to get coached or trained by an asshole to be a good athlete.
….There is another way.
Being a great person and being a great player/coach/trainer are not mutually exclusive. You can be both. I know, mind boggling in today’s athletic climate.
We almost celebrate ruthlessnes.
We laugh at coaches shaming players, and we treat athletes conditionally based off of performance. At high levels you know what I saw – fear and a hierarchy of performance. The better you are, the better you are treated. Not all the time, but a lot of the time.
….Are we ok with this?
I am desperate to share this with the athletes I train : you do not have to be nasty to be competitive. You can be the most competitive athlete ever and still want well for those around you. Because there’s a difference between wanting to win and wanting you to lose. There’s a difference between wanting to be the best, and wanting to just be better than you.
….Want to win. Want to be the best for you.
And be happy for the people around you who win. There’s enough to go around – there is no scarcity of success, and success and failure are never final.
Be a good person first.
Be a good team mate.
Love yourself and the people around you.
If you are a coach or trainer, know that it’s a gift – you and I have been trusted to spend time with these little people – we’ve been trusted to play a role in their journey – to participate in the experiences that shape them.
If we care about the next win or the next “accomplishment,” at the expense of the person or team, we have failed.
I will finish with this –
The Japanese have a word that illustrates the connectedness of mind, body, and spirit.
In western culture we often place divisions between heart, mind, and spirt, but in Eastern culture, the three are not separate and connected, the three are one.
The word is Kokoro.
In an article, about kokoro, the author writes:
“’Kokoro is well understood in Japanese, but difficult to explain in English,’ says Yoshikawa Sakiko, director of Kyoto University’s Kokoro Research Center. Conceptually, it unites the notions of heart, mind, and spirit : It sees these three elements as being indivisible from one another. ‘For example if we say, ‘she has a good kokoro,’ it means heart and spirit and soul and mind all together,’” (Livni, qz.com).
Heart, spirit, soul and mind are all together.
This is the Warrior Way.
Kokoro.
We want you to be the best on the field, but we want to help you get there through light, not darkness. And then, my dream for you is that you spread that light in an arena that needs it most. Be the light.
Warrior Soccer Training 