Sometimes, acceptance is the answer.

Almost eleven years ago, half way through my bachelors at Penn State, I had a mentor who often said “Acceptance is the answer.”

 

In times, when I was looking for an answer or solution, she would look at me and respond “Ashley, acceptance. Acceptance is the answer.”

 

Sometimes, I embraced this response, and sometimes I would look at her and say “Kris, that’s bull shit.”

 

She would laugh.

 

I would say something like “C’mon, there’s gotta be a way to change this.”

 

She would listen, as I tried to sort that out, which was usually some long winded description of resentments, that I was holding onto for dear life.

 

Then she would say something equally as annoying to her acceptance comment like, “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. ……How’s that working out for you?”

 

Followed up with a question that would smack me in the face with reality, like:

 

“So, you’re going to be able to re-write history?

 

…or control those people?

 

…or tell God how He should have created you, or done that differently?”

 

She would always laugh, with empathy, love and shared recognition, as if to see herself, and say “you’re one strong willed mofo.”

 

Then continue to talk to me about the illusion of control, or gratitude, or some other topic that just seemed irritating, but always resonated, if I was honest.

 

This person helped change my life. But, she certainly didn’t mince any words in doing so. She called me on my crap, and always spoke truth.

 

Kris helped lead me to my first encounter with peace, because she showed me how to put down my gloves and stop fighting the things I couldn’t control.

 

She introduced me to acceptance, which was really a lesson in learning how to trust a God that I claimed to believe in.

 

This morning, I got a text that reminded me of the wise words of my old friend and mentor, and prompted thought about the things we can control versus the things we can’t.

 

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this in regards to soccer, but sometimes I forget to apply this to my daily life.

 

As athletes, the things we can’t control may be things like injuries, playing time, coaching decisions, or the performance of those around you.

 

Yes, you can impact all of these things.

 

You can properly tend to an injury – do everything you can to aid in its healing, but you can’t magically make it go away.

 

Playing time – sure, you can control how you come to practice every day – your work rate and your attitude – but you can’t control the final decision that a coach makes.

 

And the performance of those around you – you can encourage, direct, and consistently place yourself in positions to help or be an option, but you can’t joystick the people around you like you’re playing FIFA on an XBOX.

 

And we know what happens when we start worrying about these things – what the coach is doing or what our teammates are doing. We know what happens if we’re focused on the weather, or what the spectators are thinking, or anything else outside of our control.

 

We miss out.

 

We miss our experience.

 

We feel drained, helpless, and powerless …. and maybe even a little crazy.

 

We’re probably tense and anxious, instead of relaxed and confident.

 

We enter the bondage of self, and stop being useful to the people around us.

 

We usually perform poorly as a result.

 

And we certainly don’t enjoy ourselves – it robs us of our passion and joy – it steals the excitement of being in the now, and prevents us from responding in a way that would contribute to our success.

 

Focusing on the things we can’t control is a giant waste of energy, not to mention self-destructive.

 

The same is true in life.

 

There are plenty of things we can’t control, like the actions of those around us – how they think and feel, what they say and do, our families of origin, the past, physical or mental limitations, illnesses.

 

And just like we learn to control our thinking on the field through practice, diligence, and a lot of trial and error, we must learn to discipline our thinking off the field.

 

So maybe this morning, you’re like me.

 

Maybe the question is just as simple as “what do I need to accept?”

 

In order to let go.

 

In order to move forward.

 

In order to have peace.

 

Often times, I think we can give “acceptance” a bad rep.

 

We confuse acceptance with weakness, because of its request for surrender.

 

But history has shown me again and again, that acceptance is just the opposite.

 

Acceptance isn’t weak – acceptance is wise, because it shifts our focus from the things, we can’t control to the things that we can.

 

In many ways, acceptance, actually renews our personal power. It frees us to own the power we do have, and to use it in the ways we’re able.

 

So sometimes,

 

Acceptance is the answer.