Be Like Liv

I have a niece that’s five.

 
Starting at two or three, when I would say things like “Livy, you colored that picture so well, sweetie!” or “Livy, you’re so strong!” or “Livy, you look so pretty!”

 
Little Olivia would look at me with complete confidence and simply say, “Yep.”

 
No sarcasm.

 
Very matter of fact.

 
…. “Yep!”

 
In adult language, my little niece was pretty much saying, “Ya’ damn right, Auntie.”

 
I inevitably laughed each time at her shameless confidence, that was so unintentionally cocky, and more of a display of her love and kindness toward self.

 
Really, what I saw is purity.

 
And freedom.

 
Liv was free of any sense of shame.

 
She knew of no standard – she held no comparisons.

 
This little girl only knew what she had, and she owned it every time.

 
And this is the same the little girl that told me last year, that she would grow up and “marry someone really nice,” causing me to question my own standards, and humbling me into realizing that a four-year-old may know more about what really matters than I do.

 
We joke all the time in my family, that there needs be a website called “BeLikeLiv.”

 

At least a hashtag.

 
Liv turned five in December, and like all healthy developing kids, I’ve started to see her get embarrassed by some things.

 
Each time, all I can think is – I hope I never stop seeing confidence and start seeing shame.

 
…I hope you never change.

 
Over the years, training players, I’ve seen this sense of empowerment more in boys than girls.

 
Now, I can’t generalize. My niece and nephew have taught me this well.

 
But, often times, I observe girls questioning their ability.

 
Many times, I’ve worked on footwork with young female players for six months to a year before they gain the confidence to attempt to beat a player one on one with a skill in a game.

 
Many times, I’ve taught these same skills to young male players in just a session or two, and several of them walk onto the field the next day like they’re Cristiano Ronaldo.

 
Which of these scenarios do you think constructs a more pleasant internal environment for the person?

 
The child that thinks “I can’t.”

 
Or the child that thinks “I will.”

 
It’s a mindset.

 
And much like being an athlete, life is experienced through the lens we create.

 
After being on both sides of this thing – “I can’t” and “I will,” at many different times as an athlete, I can tell you, “I will” is a much better place to be.

 
Even if you don’t, you’ve empowered yourself along the way.

 
You’ve failed trying, with everything you’ve got.

 
And you don’t have to live with questions.

 
The older I get, the more I care about personal wellness, and the less I care about appearances.

 
Your internal state and your ability to reside in a positive place, impacts all of your relationships. Your relationship with your creator, with yourself, and with others.

 
It seems to me, that at some age, as women, most of us bought into some strange code of conduct, that keeps us from appearing….confident?

 
It leaves me with questions like :

 
Have we learned the appropriate way to be a woman is to be more comfortable owning what we’re not good at, than what we are?

 
Have we learned to be more comfortable self-deprecating, than loving ourselves and our bodies?

 
Have we learned dissatisfaction over gratitude?

 
It seems the vast majority of us are always trying to be better, smarter, thinner…

 
And while I don’t think there’s anything wrong with always raising the bar, I think we should be like Liv in the process.

 
Unconditionally loving and valuing ourselves during every step of the way.

 
That means, we don’t self deprecate.

 
…Not to deflect compliments, because we don’t’ know how to receive them.

 
…Not to make someone else feel better, while we diminish ourselves in the process.

 
…Not to be funny.

 
…Not for any reason.

 
We don’t verbally assault our bodies.

 
…Even when we stand in front of the mirror, and see cellulite.

 
…Or we decide there’s too much belly fat.

 
…Or our butt’s are too big.

 
No.

 
We stand in front of the mirror and say “Thank you, God for this body of mine that works. That moves. That’s strong, and able.”

 
We love it for what it is, because it’s us.

 
We can always improve it, but we love it just as it is – imperfect.

 
We don’t say things about ourselves that are mean, or degrading – not out loud, and not inside.

 
Because the truth is, that most of us, would be upset if we heard those things said about the people we love.

 
We’d stand up for them.

 
We’d hug them.

 
We’d try to protect them.

 
We’d tell them they’re perfect the way that they are, helping them to find their own freedom to make decisions in their lives for change, from a place of positivity as opposed to pressure or shame.

 
I find it interesting, that we’ve learned to hold ourselves to standards that we wouldn’t ask others to rise to.

 
How many women do you know, who have been body shamed by a man who has at least like….five glaring issues they could retort with.

 
….and they don’t.

 
That’s respectable. Keep being nice.

 
But be nice to yourself, too. Don’t let anyone else speak to you in a way that’s unkind.

 
So, if you’re a woman reading this, the next time someone compliments you, smile and say “thank you.”

 
Receive it.

 
The next time, you’re about to say something self deprecating, choose not to.

 
The next time you fall short of your own expectations, challenge that negative dialogue.

 
Because, here’s what your creator says about you –

 
You are loved.

 
You are worthy.

 
You are enough.

 
You are you.

 
…Be like Liv.