“Life gives you exactly what you need to awaken.”

“Life gives you exactly what you need to awaken.”
T. Scott McLeod

 

You know those relationships – those experiences – those interactions…?

 

That thing that was said?

 

That action that was taken?

 

That look that was given?

 

And you find yourself having a reaction.

 

….You find yourself irritated.

 

Annoyed.

 

Angry.

 

Your buttons have been pushed.

 

All the stuff – the stuff we push down deep – starts to bubble to the surface.

 

Maybe this happens to you too often – why?

 

Maybe this happens rarely, but you’ve met that one person, who just knows how.

 

Maybe you want to run.

 

Maybe you want to distance.

 

Maybe you want to lash out and fight.

 

Maybe you want to blame,

 

Or deflect,

 

Or cry.

 

We’ve all had those relationships.

 

The ones where,

 

Our buttons are pushed.

 

Triggers are ignited.

 

And something’s been activated within us, that we don’t like.

 

It might be a parent, or a sibling.

 

It might be a friend, a boyfriend or a spouse.

 

It might be someone who does it unintentionally,

 

Or someone who does it on purpose (maybe run from this person…).

 

But, what do we do in these times?

 

Do we recognize what’s happening?

 

Do we acknowledge what we’re thinking and feeling?

 

Do we have the courage and curiosity to discover what’s really going on?

 

As we go through life, we will meet people from all walks of life.

 

We will have friends.

 

Acquaintances.

 

Soul mates.

 

Lovers.

 

Casual partners,

 

And big loves.

 

We’ll find people we connect with intellectually,

 

spiritually,

 

physically,

 

emotionally.

 

We’ll find people we connect with on more level than one.

 

We’ll find people that we connect with on a heart level – soul to soul.

 

And we’ll unfortunately find people we connect with on an injured level – wound to wound.

 

We’ll find people we connect with based on personalities –
It’s easy – there’s chemistry – “we click” – we have the same interests, and passions, and hobbies.

 

And we’ll find people we connect with on a spiritual level –
We have similar morals and values, and we’re both committed to authentic living, and spiritual development.

 

But, I don’t think we meet any of these people by mistake.

 

About two years ago, I met someone who called me a “soul mate.”

 

About eight years ago, I remember reading an Elizabeth Gilbert quote that read :

 

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so that you can change your life. A true soul mate is a probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.”

 

Two years ago, I met a soul mate in the form a what I thought was a very close friend.

 

It was a friendship I considered sacred – I think I misunderstood it as a spiritual friendship, soul to soul – and in retrospect, I’m left realizing that maybe it was “wound to wound.”

 

Eight years ago, I was departing a relationship with someone I thought I would marry.

 

Both times, this quote resonated.

 

Both times, I experienced tremendous pain –

 

Both times, injured parts of myself were revealed –

 

Both times, I discovered in many ways,

 

At many times,

 

Buttons were pushed

 

Triggers were activated.

 

And fear was the thing that was always present.

 

When we experience pain in relationship, can we be honest about the fact that it’s not the relationship itself, but about what’s being activated within us?

 

When an injured part of ourselves is revealed, can we acknowledge it, and treat it like a living part of ourselves asking to be seen, heard and loved?

 

I think most times, when we find ourselves in these situations, we try to self soothe in other ways.

 

We blame.

 

We focus on the other person – their shortcomings, failings, and wrongdoings.

 

We ignore completely.

 

We distance ourselves.

 

We distract ourselves.

 

We do whatever we can do to just make it go away.

 

It’s human – we want to avoid the thing that hurt us.

 

I’m reminded this week, that little to nothing is accomplished by these methods.

 

You don’t ever heal.

 

And you don’t ever grow.

 

The question isn’t about someone else.

 

The focus can’t be about someone else.

 

Both the question and the focus must return to : what’s going on inside?

 

What’s my part?

 

Where was I wrong?

 

And why?
I don’t think we ever act poorly because we want to.

 

And we don’t make faulty decisions or act in poor judgement because we want to.

 

The things we do or don’t do –

 

Say or don’t say –

 

Reveal the truth about why.

 

Why and where.

 

Why we are –

 

And where it’s coming from.

 

If we believe that everything is spiritual, the personal question should be:

 

What’s being asked of me for my own spiritual development?

 

What reflection have I just seen, in the mirror that was held up in this relationship?

 

And sometimes, this sucks.

 

Being honest with ourselves, about ourselves, isn’t always easy or comfortable.

 

It’s hard.

 

But being honest with ourselves is the only way to authentic living.

 

When we avoid these questions in relationship with self, we live disingenuous lives.

 

When we avoid these questions in our relationships with others, we experience superficial connection.

 

I’m unsure if heaps of people want to ask the hard questions.

 

The questions that they fear have the power to destroy.

 

Whether it be the destruction of perception,

 

Or belief,

 

Or the relationship itself.

 

But, I think to have what’s truly special –

 

With yourself, with God, and with others –

 

We have to be committed to asking the questions.

 

… And receiving the answers.